You’ve probably read all about finding green flags in your partner and relationships, but how do you identify them in yourself? Often, we are our own worst critics and we are quick to pick on our own flaws, but it’s likely that you have grown a lot and are closer to all of your life goals than you think. There are more ways to foster growth than just imagining the future you want (which certainly doesn’t hurt): it requires serious action. If you’ve been working on achieving the highest version of yourself – whether it’s improving your relationships, your health, your career or all of the above – there are signs you can look for to see if you’re on the right track (remember these aren’t the only signs; remember that everyone’s journey will be different!) . Going forward, the green signs indicate that you are becoming your highest, most authentic and (most importantly) happiest self.
1. you set boundaries (and stick to them)
Whether it’s saying “no” to accepting another work project when it’s already spread too thin, creating a safe word in the bedroom, or turning down family dinners to meet your needs, you’ve established boundaries for healthy relationships with yourself and others. You take time to reflect on what you need in terms of friendships, romantic relationships, work, etc. and why each boundary you have introduced or want to introduce is important to you. Starting a few at a time, keeping it simple and clear is how you operate. While it may be uncomfortable at first and an exercise in working within your boundaries, you are a better friend, partner and employee when you present yourself. Your ultimate goal? To feel safe, valued and respected no matter what the situation is in setting boundaries.
2. Keep your promises to yourself
We all make sacrifices for others (remember: boundaries, ladies), but you know that your career, relationships and goals will take their toll if you don’t fill your own cup first. Maybe you promise yourself you’ll turn off Netflix instead of bingeing on the next episode for quality Zzz, meditate for at least 15 minutes first thing in the morning instead of stopping at Starbucks, and (finally) set a budget (because of said Starbucks addiction). No matter what you tell yourself, you will keep your word and deliver on every promise. The best part? You’ve gained confidence and assertiveness.
What’s the secret to making sure you deliver on your promises? First and most importantly, you are realistic and specific about the promises you make. In other words, you are prepared for success, not overcommitted. For example, if you are not sure if you can do a 15-minute meditation, start with 5 minutes instead. Then, write down a game plan on paper and track your progress (and don’t forget to celebrate your wins!) ) and voila! –delivered on the promise.
3. You give up the belief in self-limitation
We all have false preconceived ideas, perceptions and narratives that hold us back from being our best selves: “I’m not pretty enough,” “I shouldn’t apply for that job because I won’t get it,” “I’ll never find the right partner.” But you know you have your own life experiences, fears and imposter syndrome thanks to those unconscious biases.
So you step back and identify your limiting beliefs by documenting them and the possible reasons behind them (“Will this fear protect me from rejection and failure?”) , question and challenge them (“Is this belief really true?”) ), and reframe them into an inspiring and motivating idea (“I’ll never find the right partner” becomes “I haven’t found the right partner yet, but I’ll try to put myself and my needs first”). But you go beyond that. You exercise self-love with affirmations like “I am enough,” “I have a lot to give to the world,” and “I am worthy of love” (thank you, next is a false perception).
4. You show compassion
You don’t hesitate to treat your best friends well, especially when they’re hard on themselves. But it’s not as easy to be kind to yourself when you make a mistake or fail to meet a goal-your past tendency was to blame yourself and let self-limiting beliefs take over. But now you show yourself the same grace you show your friends (only kindness, understanding and encouragement are welcome!) . You can also practice self-compassion by holding others accountable for their actions, such as when clearly set boundaries with friends are crossed, and by asking for help when needed, such as a trusted family member or co-worker.
Showing compassion to yourself doesn’t happen with the snap of a finger, but you have mastered this skill by practicing self-compassion, adopting a positive approach, honoring your authenticity, and paying attention to when negative self-talk comes into play. The result? You’ve built resilience, made progress on your goals, and reduced stress (got it, queen!) .
You give yourself permission to feel all emotions without judgment
PSA: Even our “best selves” can sometimes feel negative emotions. You don’t know you are being your best self when you stop feeling sad, anxious or stressed; you know you are being your best self when you acknowledge those feelings and know how to deal with them. You don’t hide negative emotions under the rug, or bury them at work or in a bottle of wine until you can no longer control them. All emotions are about feeling: joy, gratitude and excitement, but also sadness, anger, anxiety, jealousy and loneliness. You feel all your feelings because they are valid.
Sometimes naming the emotion, accepting it and identifying how it manifests in your body is your preferred method of dealing with it. Other times, you can learn where your feelings are coming from by journaling, shopping for hot chicks, talking to friends, or going to therapy (maybe your social media habits are triggering your anxiety and sadness?) and what messages they may be trying to convey to you (maybe you could use a social media break?) . The bottom line: you will cry if you want (or need) to. After all, experiencing all of our selves – the good, the bad, the ugly – is what makes us human and enhances our relationships; especially (and most importantly) the one we own.
6. You are comfortable with being uncomfortable
Sure, you can snooze, skip every workout, and stay small at work, but if it’s personal, professional, and romantic growth you’re after, then stepping out of your comfort zone is a must. It’s not easy, but you identify the things that make you feel uncomfortable and pursue them anyway. You face them head-on, knowing that you may not get immediate gratification and may risk failure or rejection. But that’s the “best version of yourself” part: you did it anyway because you knew it was what you really wanted.
Maybe you tried the 3-2-8 approach even though you’ve never lifted weights when you felt like you were the one going out on a dinner date, making connections at alumni social events you normally avoid, and speaking up when you disagree with your boss who made a point and suggested a different approach. You repeatedly jump into new experiences and push your limits because practice makes perfect (although you don’t strive for perfection, I don’t have to tell you that).
